It's (unfortunately) Time.

I remember a time - long, long ago - where, believe it or not, I never thought about my body. I ordered what I wanted off the menu (namely cheese fries and a chocolate malt), didn't ask for half my meal to be boxed up, and somehow still remained about 100 lbs.

Then I went to college. And before you guess where this is going, guess again. I actually managed to stay in shape. I blame it on filling my curriculum with exercise science classes and finally learning the true evil behind a calorie. I became paranoid. Food in meant calories out. And I stuck to my routine like a drill sergeant, somehow winding up well below my ideal body weight and looking like a tree with branches for limb instead of a woman with some nice curves.

Don't worry, that didn't last long. I took a job as a senior in college waiting at an upscale steakhouse. Everyday, every item on the menu was prepared and put on the line for us to do "Taste Plate." That meant that every member on the floor that night had to take a handful of forks and take one bite of everything to determine unanimously whether or not the dish could be served. This was the restaurant's way of making sure everything was up-to-par for the patrons. This was my way of gaining 15 lbs.

And because I rushed from school to work, and got off around 11pm each night, I didn't have time to throw down at the gym. I considered all the walking I did in the restaurant my workout, and called it good. And to celebrate a hard night's work, I'd head out with the rest of the servers and get tanked on sugary cocktails. Lovely.

Soon after, January First was rolling around and so was the skin around my stomach. I had never been that out of shape. I couldn't even remember the last time I spend 30 minutes on an elliptical. And I stopped wearing anything but sweatpants and my work uniform. As such, I decided to go to 24-Hour Fitness and sign up for a gym membership and a trainer.

Working with my trainer was the best experience of my life. He had designed both a workout and an eating plan for me to follow. On days that we didn't train, he would text me to make sure I had hit my calorie burn and that I was eating regularly. In just 2 weeks, the weight had literally peeled off. I remember looking in the mirror while on the stair-master not seeing my butt anymore. I received comment after comment from friends about how "noticeably leaner" I was. And best of all, I had nothing to wear - everything was too big on me.

Then I met my ex-boyfriend and stopped seeing my trainer all together. In the beginning of our relationship, I was completely blinded by love and would gladly go for midnight runs to Sonic if only it meant spending time with him. A couple months of this, and there I was - back out of shape. I never lost the weight again. In fact, whenever I would think back to the time I was 105lbs, I simply said to myself, "I was too skinny anyways."

Bullshit. I looked and felt great. I was eating clean and lean and looking my best.

Let's fast-forward now to the present day. I have no idea what the scale would say, in fact, I don't even need to know a number - I have words for my current weight: Not Good. What is good is the way I dress. It masks everything to the public eye, leaving me and excess skin to meet up at the end of each day. This secret rendezvous has to stop. I need to start dieting.

For me, I know food is my downfall. There's not a day that goes by that I don't blow healthy eating habits on something from the vending machine, a cookie from my parent's pantry, or donuts in the breakroom at work. I don't eat to cover up pain or deal with stress, I just haven't accepted that "my metabolism" and "calories from shitty food" must have had a falling out somewhere along the way. And now I simply have to revert back to the olden days. I need to combine my knowledge of exercise science with my former drill sergeant attitude and clean up shop. Period.

I don't know if anyone will read this blog. In an effort to not be "that girl," I sort of hope not to be honest. But you know what? Words on paper (read: screen) have held people accountable for many things in the past, and thus I feel it is the best system for me to keep on track. So mark these words - banging body, here I come. And here's how it's starting:

Week One Goal: Detox
Consists of...

• eating balanced foods
• cutting out sweets
• preparing smaller portions
• eating until 80 percent full
• eating slower
• not binge drinking (FML)

I will also be privately logging what I eat from now on, along with the caloric intake. This will force me to do math, which in turn will make me much crankier than being hungry. Heads up, everyone - and a special sorry to those who work with me.

My goal for today: don't blow it.

See you tomorrow.

(PS: if you want to know about the specific foods I'm eating, just send me a message and I'll be glad to share.)